10 Years, 10 Lessons

Ten years ago, I started coaching because I loved fitness, enjoyed helping people, and thought it would be a fun way to spend some time outside of my day job.

At the time, I had already spent several years working as a financial advisor, and coaching seemed like a great opportunity to do something completely different. Instead of talking about retirement accounts, I’d get to talk about squats. Instead of helping people plan for their financial future, I’d help them get stronger, healthier, and hopefully a little more confident. As it turns out, the two professions have more in common than I ever expected.

Both financial advising and coaching involve helping people make decisions today that their future selves will thank them for. Both require patience, consistency, and the occasional uncomfortable conversation. And in both, people have an impressive ability to get in their own way.

This September marked 10 years since I started coaching. Somewhere along the way, I also became a part owner of Strength Haven Athletics, had three kids, and developed a slightly different perspective on what fitness is really all about.

I certainly don’t have it all figured out. In fact, some of the things I believed most strongly 10 years ago are things I see very differently today. After thousands of classes, countless conversations with members, and plenty of mistakes of my own, here are 10 things I’ve learned.

1. We Make Nutrition Way More Complicated Than It Needs to Be

If there’s one thing the fitness industry is exceptionally good at, it’s making something relatively simple seem incredibly complicated.

Keto, intermittent fasting, macros, supplements, meal timing. There’s no shortage of strategies promising to be the missing piece of your nutrition puzzle. I believe most people would benefit from starting somewhere much simpler: Focus on eating more good food rather than constantly trying to eat less food.

For me, that means building most of your diet around meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and other minimally processed foods, while keeping added sugars and heavily processed foods to a smaller portion of what you eat.

One thing I’ve noticed is how easily we fool ourselves about what we’re actually consuming. Someone might eat a tiny lunch because they’re trying to cut calories, only to find themselves snacking throughout the afternoon because they’re hungry. A handful of this, a bite of that, a little something after dinner. None of it seems like much individually, but it adds up.

My suggestion? Spend 30 days tracking what you actually eat. Not necessarily to restrict yourself, but to learn something. You might be surprised at how much those little things contribute. And remember, eating enough nutritious food to fuel your body is not the enemy of getting healthier.

2. Showing Up Is More Important Than the Results

We spend a lot of time talking about results in the fitness industry. How much weight did you lose? How much did your squat improve? Did you get your first pull-up?

Those are all great things to celebrate, but I’ve come to believe that the most important accomplishment is often much less exciting. You showed up. Again.

The people I’ve watched make the biggest long-term improvements aren’t necessarily the most naturally athletic or the most motivated. They’re usually the ones who figured out how to make fitness a consistent part of their lives. That’s one of the reasons I believe so strongly in coaching and community. Having people who know your name, notice when you’re missing, and encourage you when you’re struggling can make an enormous difference.

Results matter. But consistency is what gives those results a chance to happen.

3. The Best Fitness Program Is the One You’ll Actually Do

I’ve probably spent more time than I’d like to admit thinking about the perfect workout. The perfect combination of strength training, conditioning, mobility, recovery, and whatever else we’re supposed to be optimizing this week.

Here’s what I’ve learned: The best workout program in the world is pretty useless if you don’t do it.

For most people, a successful fitness routine needs two things. First, it needs to be convenient. If getting to the gym requires rearranging your entire life, it’s probably not going to last. Second, it needs to be something you don’t dread.

You don’t have to love every minute of every workout. I certainly don’t. But, you should find something about the experience that you genuinely enjoy, whether that’s the coaching, the community, the challenge, or just the feeling afterward. If that’s CrossFit, fantastic. If it’s swimming, hiking, or playing pickleball, that’s fantastic too.

Find something you can stick with. That’s where the magic happens.

4. My Reasons for Working Out Have Changed, and That’s a Good Thing

Before I had kids, most of my fitness goals revolved around CrossFit. I wanted to lift heavier weights, improve my times, learn new skills, and prove to myself (and probably a few other people) what I was capable of.

There’s nothing wrong with any of that. Those goals motivated me for years. Today, as a father of three young kids, my perspective has changed considerably.

I still enjoy getting stronger and challenging myself but I now work out as much for my kids as I do for myself. I want them to grow up seeing that taking care of your body is a normal part of life. I want to give them the best possible example of what living a healthy, active lifestyle looks like. And selfishly, I want to be around for as much of their lives as possible. I want to play with my grandkids someday, travel with my family, and hopefully avoid becoming the guy who makes a noise every time he gets out of a chair.

Fitness used to be largely about what I could accomplish. Now it’s much more about what I want to be able to experience.

5. Your Insecurities Hold You Back More Than Other People’s Opinions

One of the saddest things I’ve seen as a coach is how often people let the fear of being judged prevent them from doing something good for themselves. They’re worried they’re too out of shape, too inexperienced, too old, or that everyone will notice when they mess something up.

Here’s something I’ve learned: Most people are paying far less attention to you than you think.

That embarrassing thing you did in class three weeks ago? There’s a very good chance nobody else remembers it. People have jobs, families, bills, and their own insecurities to worry about. They’re generally not spending their evenings replaying your failed box jump. And sure, there are a few people out there who genuinely enjoy judging others. Those people aren’t worth your energy.

Don’t let an imaginary audience prevent you from doing something that could improve your life.

6. The Gym Is Basically a Big Adult Playground

Think about how much you moved when you were a kid. You ran, jumped, climbed, chased your friends, and played games until somebody made you come inside. Nobody had to convince you to get your steps in.

Then we became adults.

We spend most of our days sitting, staring at screens, driving around, and managing responsibilities. Suddenly, moving our bodies becomes another chore we’re supposed to squeeze into our schedules.

I’ve come to think of the gym as something much simpler: it’s a playground for adults. We get to lift heavy things, challenge ourselves, laugh with friends, and spend an hour doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with emails, bills, or laundry.

The social part matters just as much as the physical part. Sometimes that hour surrounded by people who are dealing with the same everyday stresses is the best therapy you’ll get all week.

Maybe if we stopped treating exercise as punishment for what we ate or an obligation we have to fulfill, we’d remember how much fun moving can actually be.

7. Perfect Movement Is Mostly a Myth

Early in my coaching career, I probably viewed movement as much more black and white than I do today. There was the right way to squat, the right way to deadlift, and the right way to do just about everything.

Ten years later, I’ve learned there’s a whole lot more gray area. Human bodies are complicated. We’re built differently, have different mobility limitations, different injury histories, and different strengths and weaknesses. Even if you somehow started life with a perfectly symmetrical body, there’s a pretty good chance a few decades of living would change that.

That doesn’t mean technique doesn’t matter. It absolutely does. There are movement patterns that can increase risk or simply aren’t appropriate for certain people. But there’s also a big difference between moving poorly and moving differently.

The goal shouldn’t be to make everyone move exactly like the person in an Instagram demonstration. It should be to help each individual move safely, effectively, and confidently. Sometimes good enough is more than good enough.

8. Everybody Is Fighting a Battle You Know Nothing About

This might be the most important lesson on this list, and it extends well beyond the gym.

It’s easy to make assumptions about people. The member who barely says hello when they walk into class. The person who always shows up five minutes late. The one who seems distracted or doesn’t put forth the effort you expected. We rarely know the whole story.

Maybe that quiet member is caring for a sick family member and is completely overwhelmed. Maybe the person who’s always late is a single parent who spent the last hour juggling dinner, homework, and getting their kids to practice, just to carve out 60 minutes for themselves.

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of getting to know members beyond the hour we spend together in class. I’ve learned that people are often carrying far more than we realize. I’ve also learned that my first impression of someone isn’t always a particularly good one, so I try to remind myself to be patient, give people the benefit of the doubt, and lead with kindness. It’s what I’d hope someone would do for me.

9. Your Fitness Goals Should Change as Your Life Changes

This one took me longer to figure out than it probably should have. At 37 years old, with three young kids and roughly three decades of sports and exercise behind me, why would I expect my fitness goals for the next 10 years to look exactly like the last 10?

Yet that’s what many of us do. We keep chasing goals we set years ago without stopping to ask whether they still make sense for the lives we’re living today.

That’s one of the reasons we started doing goal reviews at Strength Haven.

It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine of showing up and working out without ever taking time to think about what you’re actually working toward. Maybe your old goal was a 300-pound back squat. Maybe your new goal is having the energy to play with your kids after work. Neither is inherently better than the other.

Your goals should reflect what matters to you now, not just what mattered five years ago. And don’t underestimate the importance of setting yourself up for a few wins along the way. Life gives us enough challenges. It’s nice to occasionally accomplish something, recognize it, and feel good about ourselves.

10. Coaching Can Change the Trajectory of Someone’s Life

I saved this one for last because it’s probably the biggest reason I’m still coaching after 10 years. Interestingly, it took me about six or seven years to fully appreciate it.

When I first started coaching, I focused primarily on what happened during the hour someone was in my class. Did they move well? Did they get stronger? Did they have a good workout?

Those things still matter to me, but as I’ve gotten older, and watched people around me get older, I’ve developed a much greater appreciation for the long-term impact of physical fitness. You start seeing people struggle with mobility, lose their independence, or deal with health problems that dramatically change their quality of life.

Some of those things are completely outside our control, but others can be influenced by the decisions we make over the course of decades. That’s where I think coaching becomes something much bigger than teaching someone how to squat. If we can help someone find a fitness routine they genuinely enjoy, build confidence, improve their relationship with food, and make physical activity a consistent part of their life, the benefits can extend far beyond our gym walls.

Maybe that person is healthier at 60 because they started exercising at 35. Maybe they’re able to keep up with their grandkids at 75. Maybe they simply feel better about themselves and carry that confidence into other parts of their lives.

We’ll probably never know the full impact. People come and go. They move, change jobs, start families, and move on to different chapters of their lives. I like to believe that somewhere along the way, we’ve helped change a few people’s life trajectories for the better. and I can’t think of many things more rewarding than that.

Ten Years Later

When I started coaching 10 years ago, I thought I was signing up to teach people about fitness. I didn’t realize was how much those people would teach me. About patience. About humility. About what really motivates people. About how complicated life can be, and how important it is to have something in your week that makes you feel a little better about yourself.

I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way, changed my mind about more than a few things, and still have a lot to learn, but I feel incredibly fortunate to have spent the last decade doing something I genuinely enjoy, alongside people who make it worthwhile.

To all the members and coaches I’ve had the opportunity to work with over the years, thank you. You probably have no idea how much I’ve learned from you. And if I can help a few more people build healthier, happier lives over the next 10 years, I’ll consider that time pretty well spent. Even if I still have to remind someone to put their weights away every once in a while.